d0ntbringmed0wn:

emilioestevez:

story time

so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.

lolllllll omg. this… this would be me

but forreal… I think I found my soulmate

thatsnotwatyourmomsaid:

itsrainingblogs:

So, like, I’m sitting in my room and I just hear, “You are an ignorant furby, and nobody in this house likes you”

My sister is mentally abusing the furby she got for Christmas because “It says on the box that the way we treat them shapes their personalities.”

SHE JUST WANTS TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN. YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH PEOPLE’S LIVES LIKE THAT. I AM LIVING IN A HOUSE WITH LUCIFER.

your sister is going to get fucking murdered

(Source: itsrainingcatsandblogs, via buttscentedbreathmints)

yokatherine:

sexcake:

does anyone else accidentally stare at a boys penis when hes wearing pants

yes except it’s not accidentally

physicalvocalist:

fallen-angel-in-the-tardis:

lembas-and-cram:

concernedresidentofbakerstreet:

rendezvousramen:

addictedtopunsandpizza:

macaronivevo:

jesuschristvevo:

is it data or data

is it route or route

is it caramel or caramel

is it either or either

is it read or read

is it lead or lead

Maybe its Maybelline

I hate how any English speaker knows exactly what’s happening here.

(via buttscentedbreathmints)